Vaginismus is a condition that affects many women, yet it often remains hidden in silence. If you’re experiencing pain, discomfort, or difficulty during penetration, whether that’s during sex, inserting a tampon, or having a pelvic exam, you may be dealing with vaginismus. You’re not alone, and there is help available. In this blog, we’ll explore what vaginismus is, what causes it, how it’s diagnosed and treated, and how you can begin to move forward without shame.
What is vaginismus?
Vaginismus is a type of female sexual dysfunction where the muscles around the vagina tighten involuntarily, making penetration painful, difficult, or even impossible. This automatic reaction isn’t something you choose or can simply relax away. It’s your body’s response to anticipated pain or fear.
The condition can affect anyone, regardless of age, background, or sexual experience. It can start from a woman’s first attempt at penetration (known as primary vaginismus), or it can develop later in life after a period of previously pain-free penetration (secondary vaginismus).
What causes vaginismus?
Vaginismus doesn’t have one single cause. It’s often the result of a complex mix of physical, psychological, and emotional factors. These can include:
- Fear of pain or negative sexual experiences
- History of trauma, such as sexual abuse or assault
- Cultural or religious beliefs that promote guilt or shame around sex
- Anxiety, including generalised anxiety or performance-related worries
- Relationship difficulties or lack of trust with a partner
- Medical issues, such as infections, menopause, or endometriosis
Sometimes vaginismus begins after a painful event like childbirth or a gynaecological procedure. In other cases, there’s no obvious trigger. That doesn’t make your experience any less real or valid.
Common symptoms of vaginismus
Vaginismus can show up in different ways. You might recognise yourself in some or all of these symptoms:
- Burning, stinging, or sharp pain during attempted penetration
- Inability to insert a tampon or have a smear test
- Tightness or spasms of the vaginal muscles
- Anxiety or fear at the thought of penetration
- Avoidance of sexual activity or intimacy
It’s important to remember that these symptoms are not “in your head”. They’re genuine, physical experiences that deserve attention and care.
How is vaginismus diagnosed?
If you suspect you might have vaginismus, the first step is to speak with a healthcare professional. A GP or gynaecologist can help rule out other medical causes for pain and, if appropriate, diagnose vaginismus.
During the appointment, you’ll likely be asked about your medical history, sexual history, and current symptoms. A physical examination may be suggested, but this can be adapted to your comfort level. A sensitive and experienced clinician will always listen to your concerns and go at your pace.
You may also be referred to a specialist, such as a psychosexual therapist or pelvic floor physiotherapist, for further assessment and support.
Treatment options for vaginismus
The good news is that vaginismus is treatable. With the right support, many women are able to overcome it and go on to have fulfilling, pain-free sexual lives. Treatment options may include:
- Pelvic floor physiotherapy: Specialised exercises to help you become more aware of and gain control over your pelvic muscles.
- Vaginal trainers (dilators): These gently help desensitise the vaginal muscles and gradually introduce comfortable penetration at your own pace.
- Psychosexual therapy: Talking therapy that explores the emotional, psychological, and relational aspects of vaginismus. This can be particularly helpful if trauma, anxiety, or relationship issues are part of the picture.
- Education and relaxation techniques: Understanding what’s happening in your body and learning ways to reduce anxiety can make a big difference.
Treatment is tailored to each individual, and progress can take time, but it’s absolutely possible.
What to expect if you have vaginismus
Living with vaginismus can be incredibly isolating. Many women feel embarrassed, broken, or ashamed, especially when others seem to have “normal” sexual experiences. It’s easy to blame yourself or feel guilty for not being able to have sex, particularly if you’re in a relationship.
Let’s be clear: vaginismus is not your fault. It’s a health condition, not a moral failing or personal weakness. The shame and guilt you may feel are real. But they are not a reason to stay silent or avoid seeking help. Opening up to a trusted professional, partner, or friend can be the first step in changing your experience.
You deserve to enjoy your body, your relationships, and your sexuality without fear or pain.
What partners need to understand about vaginismus
If your partner is experiencing vaginismus, it can be confusing or distressing, for both of you. You may feel unsure how to help, worried about saying the wrong thing, or rejected when intimacy is difficult. It’s important to understand that vaginismus is not a rejection of you or a lack of desire. It’s a physical and psychological response outside your partner’s control. Patience, empathy, and open communication are essential. Avoid placing pressure on your partner to “push through” the pain or “just relax,” as this can increase anxiety and make things worse. Instead, offer emotional support, be willing to learn about the condition together, and focus on rebuilding trust and closeness in non-penetrative ways. Healing can be a shared journey—and your understanding can make all the difference.
Breaking the Silence Around Vaginismus
Sadly, vaginismus is often under-recognised and misunderstood. The stigma around female sexual pain means many women suffer in silence, sometimes for years. But things are changing. More people are speaking out, and healthcare professionals are becoming better informed.
If you think you might have vaginismus, know that help is available and recovery is possible. You are not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.
