You, me and the green-eyed monster
Jealousy can spoil even the strongest of relationships.
While a certain degree of jealousy is normal in relationships, it’s not always easy to stop such a powerful emotion overwhelming you two. There’s a reason why jealousy is called the green-eyed monster. The monster is fuelled by envy and over time, it can devour the trust a relationship needs. Overcoming jealousy takes patience and hard work, but together you can do it.
If you’re the jealous one
You might not know why you’re jealous, but it must stem from somewhere. Take a close look at your past. Did one of your parents cheat on a partner? Or did you ever cheat on a partner? If so, you must try to keep the past separate from the present. Maybe counselling will help you make sense of it all.
Meanwhile, there is plenty you can do to manage your emotions. Each time you throw a jealous fit, you will come over as insecure and needy. So, keep reminding yourself that your partner has chosen to be with you, not anyone else. Stay in the present and reel in your fantasies. If you routinely accuse your partner of imaginary transgressions, you could end up pushing them into the very behaviour you dread. And give yourself a reality check. Instead of getting upset at an imaginary scenario, look calmly at your partner’s lateness, for example and you’ll be able to accept that the reason for it is probably quite logical.
Most importantly, think of the bigger picture. If you want to stay together, if you have children together, you need to develop a happier, more stable relationship.
If you’re dating a jealous person
While it can be exhausting, there are ways to deal with it. Try to think differently. See the positive. If your partner didn’t rate your relationship, you wouldn’t be having this problem. Instead of being defensive, be understanding and supportive.
Certain behaviours can trigger jealousy, so change them if you can. Stick to any agreements that you’ve made and avoid making promises that you can’t keep. There’s no harm in occasionally boosting your partner’s ego. Tell them how much you love them and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. Pay them compliments, try to be positive about the future.
It’s vital that you set clear boundaries and ensure your own well-being and personal space are being respected. Sometimes a jealous partner’s lack of trust can lead to isolation from friends and family, as they may discourage you from spending time with others or participating in activities that don’t involve them. This can result in a loss of personal freedom and autonomy. Of course, understanding and empathy are important, but it’s also essential to prioritise your own emotional health and happiness.
If jealousy is getting in your way, please get in touch at anna@kingsleycounselling.com and book a free 10 minute call with me.
