Why so many working mums feel overwhelmed and what to do about it…
Do you lie awake at 3am running through your to-do list?
If you’re a working mother, chances are the answer is yes.
It’s not just the school runs or the client emails or the football kits still sitting in the laundry basket—it’s all of it, all the time. This invisible burden is known as the mental load, and it’s leaving many women emotionally drained, anxious, and stuck in a loop of perfectionism.
As a therapist and mother of two, I see this daily, both in my practice and in my own life.
What Is the Mental Load?
The mental load refers to the unseen and constant mental energy it takes to manage life, for yourself and everyone around you. It includes the planning, anticipating, and remembering that keeps households (and relationships) running.
But it’s more than just logistics. The mental load is also emotional labor. It’s the guilt. The hyper-responsibility. The worry that if we let go, everything will fall apart.
The Mental Load and Emotional Labour in Motherhood
Even as gender roles evolve, many women still shoulder the majority of domestic and emotional labor. We don’t just do the tasks… we remember the tasks. We create the birthday calendars, schedule the playdates, refill the fridge, and troubleshoot bedtime meltdowns.
Too often, multitasking is treated as a badge of honour, especially for working mothers. But beneath that surface lies a culture that rewards burnout and punishes rest.
This isn’t just a time management issue. It’s psychological.
How Therapy Explains the Mental Load
Psychodynamic theory tells us that the way we approach caregiving and control is often rooted in early attachment experiences.
For many women, caregiving becomes so central to identity that handing over tasks feels threatening. It’s not about who loads the dishwasher, it’s about what it means to let someone else do it.
We internalise perfectionism, fearing that letting go makes us less lovable, less competent, less needed. The result? We cling to the mental load, even as it exhausts us.
Why the Mental Load is Hard to Share
Many women say they want help, but then feel frustrated or disappointed when they try to delegate. Instead of letting partners take full ownership, they leave instructions, micromanage, or take tasks back altogether.
This reinforces a dynamic where men are seen as “helpers” and women as managers. And over time, it becomes a blueprint our children absorb, especially our daughters.
Lifting the Mental Load: Where to Start
Here are three powerful ways to begin easing the emotional and psychological burden:
- Name It.
Awareness is the first step. Talk about the mental load with your partner, your friends, or your therapist. Give language to what you’re feeling—it helps make the invisible visible.
- Explore Its Roots.
Ask yourself: Why do I feel responsible for everything? Is this driven by love—or fear? Are old beliefs about worth or identity getting in the way of sharing the load?
- Practice Emotional Delegation.
Delegation isn’t just about assigning tasks—it’s about releasing control. This may involve discomfort, even grief. But it’s also where healing begins.
Letting others help doesn’t make you less. It makes you human.
Therapy can help you understand – and lighten – your mental load
Unpacking the mental load takes more than a better to-do list. It requires looking inward, examining the emotional dynamics at play, and redefining what it means to be “good enough.”
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or unseen in the chaos of caregiving and working life, therapy can offer relief and clarity.
Sometimes it starts with a deep breath. Sometimes it starts with leaving the washing unfolded.
And sometimes, it starts with finally saying: This is too much… and I don’t have to do it all alone.
Looking for support?
Learn more about therapy for overwhelmed mothers
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Don’t suffer in silence. Contact me today for a confidential chat, and let’s find a way forward together
