Are your devices killing your sex life?

Many of us are so focused on our phones and laptops that we’re ignoring the person right in front of us


Staying in touch with loved ones is one of the biggest reasons that we buy gadgets. So why, in this high-tech age, do so many of us feel distant from our other halves? The answer may lie in our bedrooms.

What’s the first things you do in the morning: roll over and kiss the person lying next to you, or lean across for your mobile?

‘Oh, but I use my phone as my alarm clock,’ I hear you say. That’s all very well but grabbing your phone before doing anything else means the temptation’s right there in your hands: you may as well scan your emails, update your Facebook status and check the weather forecast while you’re at it. Before you know it, you’re late for work and only have time for a hasty goodbye to your partner before you dash out. So much for that quickie before breakfast…

Experts tell us that our beds should be used for sex and sleep only, but too many of us insist on bringing third parties – laptops, phones or TVs – into the boudoir, and the distraction can put a right dampener on our sex life.

Take the TV. If you reckon it would be a good idea to make a habit of watching it in bed, think again. One Italian study found couples with a set in their bedroom have sex only half as often as those who don’t. And the effect is even more marked in the case of over-50s, with a 60% drop in sex.

It’s hard enough for most of us to find time for sex at the best of times, but how will the opportunity ever arise if you partner’s glued to the TV and you’re busy posting on Instagram yet again?

One in four of us text before we nod off at night, and over a third of us admit we bring our laptops to bed. It hardly takes a genius to work out that more time staring at screens means less time making love.

Maybe these gadgets come in handy if you’re trying to avoid sex, but it’s hardly grow-up to hide your problems behind technology. So, how can you regain that intimacy when you’re used to spending all your quality time in front of a screen? One answer is to have a ‘no gadgets after 10pm’ rule. Turn everything off and spent that time talking to and touching your other half instead.

Talk about it. If it’s a problem, speak up, share your concerns and be clear on your expectations. Make time for moments when you two can put your phones down and properly interact, face-to-face, such as mealtimes. Don’t under-estimate the value of being present in the relationship. So, turn off your notifications so that you’re not so easily distracted by your devices. Create more activities you do together that don’t involve a screen.

Our phones are so much more available and willing than our partners. They never challenge us, always respond to our touch and are just there for your pleasure. And so, if you truly prefer being online to talking to your partner, get some help or find someone else. It can be horribly lonely in bed with just a laptop to cuddle…

And if you still need persuading, this short little clip says it all. Check it out…

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